I always get like this when I parent alone for a couple of days. Bored. Grouchy. So irritable. If I have to break up one more sister fight or sweep the kitchen one more time, so help me...
A little while ago my oldest asked me to sit down and play doll house with her. I did it, begrudgingly, but my attitude wasn't the best and my heart was in the shower, where I really wanted to be, not down on the rug taking a Fisher Price family to the "Wonder Place."
Then I remembered how spiritual I was this morning. Was that really today? Yes, this morning when I had just woken up, enjoyed two cups of coffee and cracked open 1 Peter for my She Reads Truth devotional. I was so spiritual then. I prayed for my husband. I prayed for my kids. I committed to yield to others.
But then the day happened.
It's so easy to be "spiritual" when the day's just gotten started and nothing's ruffled your feathers yet. Or when the kids are at Mother's Day Out and the house is quiet and clean. Or when you're sitting in church listening to an inspiring sermon and the kids are far away in children's church. It's so easy to be spiritual then.
I know motherhood is supposed to be a sanctifying experience. There's no doubt it brings out my sin nature like WHOA. But isn't part of sanctification supposed to be that we overcome that nature and become more like Christ? Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself because I don't see this mothering thing turning me into the patient, loving, yielding-to-others person I long to be. Sometimes it feels like just the opposite.
My only hope is that sanctification and becoming like Christ is more than what I can see up close. That even though I look in the mirror now and see a hot mess (emphasis on the mess), if I were to back far, far away, from a Heavenly distance, I might see glimmers of progress.
Lord, please make it be so.
Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely just as God now knows me completely. 1 Cor. 13:12