This Beautiful Inheritance: I Wonder if I'm Losing My Wonder {A Guest Post}

Monday, June 25, 2012

I Wonder if I'm Losing My Wonder {A Guest Post}

I'm Jacklyn. For how nostalgic and immature I can be, I am surprised that I enjoy being an adult this much. I have realized that aging is not binding at all, but in fact it can be freeing. I guess it all depends on how full your days are and what you fill them with. I am the founder of Ohbygolly blog, and co-creator of my sons, Carsten and Rhys—a big thanks to my husband, Tim, for the latter. Yeah, my boys are BOYS, and they’re at the terrifying age of 3 ½ and 1 ½ so when I casually educate you on the differences in excavators and dozers, just smile and nod, and if you ever see us all out in public, just keep walking…for your sake, keep walking.

Earlier this year I found myself wanting answers and consistency so badly that I grew angry with all of the unknowns. I wanted to, at last, put my hands around something/anything and control it. And eventually, it was not my world that led me to exhaustion but my perspective. “Lord help me to see it all through your eyes,” I would pray. Then I would slap a smile on my face, place my kids in their room to play, and try my hardest to tackle the “to do” list--tuning out the giggles and make-believe banter, managing the fights and spilled milk.

Somewhere along the way, I had a burn out. The only thing I could do was just sit in my boys’ rooms as they played around me.

My two boys are enchanted by this world. With their kaleidoscope eyes, they “ooo” and “ahhh” over its shape-shifting, never-ending beauty. Watching them, I could see that I was slowly losing my wonder.

Being creatures of habit, it’s hard to keep your wonder. Things we once discovered go from old news to no news at all. What once enamored us is now an inconvenience to us. The rain puddle is no longer our play ground but a mere reason to curse if it dare get in our way. The wind that brings the trees to life now tangles our hair or even has the audacity to turn the page of our book before we are finished reading.

Why can’t we hold onto the world as a magical one, a kind of fairyland? Is it because we are superior beings on this Earth and in finding answers or scientific reason we have to rationalize away the magic?

I don’t see why knowing the “why” or the “how” behind things must take away the wonder. Can we not be educated, over-thinkers and still enjoy the richness of ignorance? Can we talk about serious matter and yet not take ourselves so seriously? Could we step in a rain puddle and not curse the sky?

Absolutely, because in all that we know, we can rest assured that we do not nor ever will know IT ALL. If we knew it all then we would have the power to stop the rain from crying puddles; we could prevent the winds from invading our space. We would be in complete control.

And, I’m here to say thank God for the wonder if it all. Thank God, I know nothing and control nothing.

My prayer is that my boys could maintain that magical wonder in their faith in Christ and life on Earth. I hope they could embrace fairytales more than history itself. The only absolute in a magical tale is the overall message of the tale, and that is what we live for: the message behind the magic.

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