But the next morning I still had this strange, unsettling feeling like I just did not want to leave my girls, miss all their smiles and hugs from the day, and leave them in someone else's care. I can't explain it. Because I've never before had a problem leaving them for a day. Let's be honest, I look forward to those rare days. But this day I didn't. I had been gone to Bootcamp the whole weekend before, and my heart just didn't want to leave again, even for only a few hours.
After lunch, I ended up high-tailing it back to my small town and my small girls. My MIL was surprised to see me back so soon; she'd expected me to be gone all day. My only explanation was that I missed my girls. I'd only been gone a couple of hours, and I couldn't explain it anymore than I understood it. But something had changed in me the weekend before. Motherhood, in me, had transformed from an exhausting burden to an unspeakable joy. One I didn't want to run from but to embrace with wide-spread arms. And no intellectual, high-class, day in the city, had anything on the treasure I had waiting at home.
No, there is absolutely nothing wrong with spending a day without the kids. I've needed them in the past, and I still need them at times now. But I believe God placed that mysterious, uneasy feeling in me that day for a reason. He was teaching me a lesson that I heard loud and clear.
Prior to a few months ago, I always felt I had dual goals. I wanted to be a good mom, yes, and raise Godly children. But I also wanted to be a writer, a successful blogger, and an editor. I had dreams of becoming a magazine editor, and they were always on my mind. Spending a day at the literary festival with renowned writers and bloggers was something I would have relished. But suddenly, out of left-field it seemed, I had a distaste for it all. As I walked along 2nd Street Downtown, the same road I used to walk to work before having kids, I asked myself these questions: What am I doing here, an hour away from my children, pushing them off on someone else? What am I trying to achieve... to make a connection, to hand out a card? It felt foolish and trivial when at home, I had lives that needed to be shaped, molded and loved on. Almost in a moment, I felt my priorities solidify. And being MOM was right up at the top.
Again, I don't mean to say it's wrong to leave your kids for a day. I know how silly that sounds. I also know, though, that God wanted to teach me a lesson that day, and so He did it in a way that would get through to me. He wanted to gently steer me away from a path of personal ambitions and nudge me onto the path of greater significance. The hard, exhausting, beautiful, joyous path to a destination I wouldn't trade for the world: HOME.
Today, I am so excited to announce that I will be giving away TWO copies of "Be The Mom," the book written by Tracey Eyster of MomLife Today and MomLife Bootcamp. I purchased "Be The Mom" at Bootcamp, and it is more motivating, encouraging and challenging than I can put into words. It will help you overcome common "mom traps" and cause you to embrace and enjoy motherhood like never before. Oh also, Tracey has offered to sign and personalize the winners' books! Woohoo! :-)
To enter, leave a comment telling me why you want to win! Then let Rafflecopter (below) know that you did. For additional entries, like me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter. I'll announce two winners on Tuesday!
(To keep up with Tracey and her blog, Like her "Be The Mom" Page on Facebook.)
a Rafflecopter giveaway