This Beautiful Inheritance: Girls, Be Smarter Than Andi Dorfman

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Girls, Be Smarter Than Andi Dorfman

I have a confession to make.  I’m a Bachelor/Bachelorette junkie. (You know the show on ABC, right?) As much as I have issues with the dating-multiple-people thing, I get sucked in each season hoping somehow the cast members will find love at the end of the whole twisted process.

This most recent season of The Bachelorette was no exception. I was rooting for Bachelorette Andi Dorfman from the beginning. She was a southern girl with more class and brains than about anyone I’d seen on the show. She was smart, and I knew she would choose well.
After watching Andi date multiple men and meticulously pick them off each week, it was down to the final two – Josh and Nick. Who would she choose? Although I had a hunch she would choose Nick, the guy she claimed could “see into her soul,” on that final day in the Dominican Republic, she told Nick it just wasn’t him.

She went on to accept one of the most beautiful proposals I’ve ever heard from her main man, Josh. “It’s you babe,” she finally told him. “I love you.” Before he got down on one knee, Josh told Andi she was “the answer to all his prayers, the woman he never thought existed.” Then they kissed and hugged and argued over who loved each other more (something the show hadn’t allowed Andi to say until that day).
I’m not going to lie – I cried during that proposal. I’m a sucker for romance, like I think most women are. But while I was still riding the “Josh and Andi” high, the show quickly switched to its “After the Final Rose” segment, in which it interviewed heartbroken Nick. In fact, he and Andi had to face each other for the first time since their break-up.
And that’s when it happened. Right there on live TV, a distraught Nick asked Andi, “I just don’t know why, if you weren’t in love with me, you made love to me.”

Um, excuse me?!
In that moment, I felt like all the air in my excited viewer balloon just fizzled out (while making one of those disturbing, deflating noises). Hearing that Andi and Nick “made love” while on the show shouldn’t have come as any surprise. There’s a whole episode devoted to Andi pairing up with her final three guys in the “fantasy suite.” But I guess there’s a part of me that likes to be naively optimistic and believe that all they did in that room was “talk away from the cameras.”

Nick, however, just made what happened in the “fantasy suite” all too real. And for me, something changed at that point in the show. A few minutes later, Nick was gone and fiancé Josh joined Andi on stage. The two were all smiles and couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They talked about their future and a possible spring wedding. But suddenly the romance just wasn’t the same for me. I kept flashing back to that beautiful proposal in the Dominican Republic and Andi’s declaration that “It’s you babe.” Except just a couple weeks before, it hadn't been him, or at least not just him. How do you have sex with someone two weeks before you accept a proposal from someone else? At the very least, it makes it a little less romantic, no?
But that pretty much sums up the world’s standards for love and dating. Do what you feel. Anything goes. Sex is casual.

For the young girls reading this, those are all a bunch of lies.
God designed the idea of sex after marriage because then, there are no consequences. No unplanned pregnancy. No STDs. No heartbroken ex on national TV asking why you made love to him. No awkward conversation with your fiancé about your past. No embarrassing deflating noise coming from the romance balloon.

Just a healthy, happy relationship solidified through sex after committing to each other for life.
I hesitate to bring up another “Bachelor couple,” because obviously the show has its issues. But Bachelorette Andi was a far cry from former Bachelor Sean Lowe. Sean and his fiancé from the show, Catherine, were very open about their decision to save sex for marriage. In fact their excitement and anticipation of their wedding night was one of the highlights of their nationally televised prime-time wedding. I couldn’t help but be excited with them. There’s something different, and so special, about a couple who does things the right way. They had been patient. They had been pure. And their wedding day was a celebration without regrets. (I hope they had lots of huge balloons!)

So girls, be smarter than Andi Dorfman. Realize that sex isn’t casual, and it carries more consequences than you can even imagine. Realize your value, be patient, and make that main man wait for you until you’ve both said “I do,” knowing it will make the romance that much sweeter.
And, if you ever go on The Bachelor, just say no to the fantasy suite.

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