For the last four weeks, we have had a sweet, adorable baby boy in our home. He came to us quickly, in an emergency situation, and he dove into my heart even quicker. I love this boy -- his hugs, his kisses, his playful tongue-tapping noise.
Tyler and I had always talked about fostering. We feel it is the call of God for Christians to care for orphans and widows. But of course, we planned to do it in our time. When we had more money, and when our three-year-old slept, and when we'd gotten our anniversary vacation out of the way.
But the Lord determines our steps.
The last four weeks have been hard but joyful. There have been sleepless nights, tummy aches, and weary mama prayers. There have been peaceful nights, belly laughs and thankful praises. Our little guy adjusted well and the rest of us were close behind him.
Until I took a test to confirm my hunch -- a secret suspicion I'd been carrying for a couple weeks.
The Lord determines our steps.
This is definitely not how I would have ordered these events. I mean, "God, don't you think this is kind of bad timing? Come on."
Yet I have another suspicion that maybe God does have it together. Maybe He's got a secret, higher up, more beautiful plan for how this whole thing will unfold. I don't have a clue. But I suspect He does.
Someone asked me if I felt more detached from our little guy once I got our news. My answer was no. To be perfectly honest, I still feel more affection for him than the plus sign on my pee-soaked stick. But I also know, I'm not his mama. I love him and I know how to get him to sleep and I've learned how to curb his gas and produce regular poop (that was more difficult than you might think)... but I'm not his mama. So I'm praying for the one who is -- that she might once again be capable of filling this huge, God-given role so I can turn my attention and affection to the little pea growing inside of me. WHICH I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE IS THERE! There has been so much to process in the last few days. I haven't known what, if anything to share publicly. We are still figuring out what the future holds, but I would appreciate your prayers that God's will would be done in every way and in every person involved in this situation.
I know He will take care of us all. He is a good, good father. (Here's a little video treat for ya)